RED QUEEN

by Bryan Free

RED QUEEN cover art
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credits

released 17 October 2011
Written, produced, & engineered by Bryan Free.

Mixed & mastered by Kimball Evan Hodge IV.

Performed by Bryan Free, Graeme Enkelis, Matthew Henderson, Kelly Masigat, Jonathan Barker, JR Wickman, Nate Purscelley, Tom Thorson, Jaycob Van Auken, Nick Wellum, & The Julians.

The Julians are: Liz Bacon, Kristen Buhler, Mel Downie, Maria Karlin, Tuesday Rupp.

Additional vocal engineering by Joseph Nicodemous on tracks 3, 5, 7, 9, 10.

“Women Of The World,” tributed on track 4, originally by Ivor Cutler (1923-2006).

Recorded in Portland, OR: January through May 2010.

Cover watercolor by Brooke Weeber.

tags

tags: broadway rock indie pop rock rock songwriter Portland

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Track Name: FORCE
Don’t settle in, we are merely visiting, distant bodies slowly moving past.

Resolute, forlorn, absolved of fight, so what’s worth saving?

Marry me, save me, don’t let earth take me; people first, ideas second, both by force.
Track Name: I'LL PULL YOU OUT
My baby cleaned up this town,
Locked all the rich inside separate bank accounts.
And me, with my sordid past and bomb-vested schemes,
Sent me to pray and blow the snake dams.

I’ll pull you out, I’ll pull you out, I’ll pull you in, I’ll pull you out of your sin.

I sent the flood levies loose.
I’m not the mastermind, only the driver,
But anyone can see the system needs a little pressure
From the sex-repressed, and—Honey—you know best

I’ll pull you in, I’ll pull you in. Oh, pull me out, I’ll pull you in to your sin.
Track Name: ALL MEN FALL
Cyclades, level my history,
Train me to pause.
Breeze, play like a God would
Speak the Endgame.

You tell me ALL MEN FALL.

This year I’m a priority.
I promise: I’ll try.
I’ll miss this. Given my history,
I’ll miss a lot of things
I overanalyze.

God, destroy us.
Promise Justice.
If. We. Let. Up.

ALL MEN FALL.
Track Name: RED QUEEN
Here’s another paradox:
In order to change I must fit
Into my body’s nest,
My capacitor plague,
My own golden-eye child—
Into my system:
The one thing I may hate but never quit.

I convince the land
That I want a different land,
Yet my goal is, and always will be
The forest fire
Not trees.
The act itself.
The mutation.
The transitory self between two selves.

Without discomfort it may be impossible.
I want to say that without oppression,
Without shame,
Without guilt,
Without fear
It may be impossible.
But I want to include all my shortcomings.

I can neither wish for change nor mutation;
Both will bring an end to the quest I love most
Unless the quest is—more specifically—a process,
Not the holy grail
Even of my dreams,
And this process might endure indefinitely,

No matter what I believe
And what new gods birth
And what animals consume
The energy of what animals,
What happy hunting grounds integrate
Into a much sadder combination
Of violent and peaceful reality:
A liturgy for the recovering idealist.

That this evening may be holy,
Good, and peaceful,
That we may be pardoned
And forgiven for our sins and offenses,
That we may be bound together
By the Red Queen in communion
Of all thy saints
And parasites,
Entrusting one another
And all our lives to evolution.
Track Name: LESSON
Ten years down, you’re barely a lesson now.
A place my arms learned to go.
And I still use you.

I’m telling you that all that I say is false.
It’s only a process used.
Like lovers do.
Track Name: STRAIN, THEN RESTRAIN
1.
Mark my words: you’ll quit
The job soon, comes with view.
Costs a few
Lean years. Worth it though.
Strain then restrain till we break.

Heart break through,
Keeps him on task, paid,
Costs a few.
Feels secure. Isn’t.
Mis-assumes my body’s all yours to use.

Wild life style, leaves less
To dream. Soon
It’s on you. File that hot:
CC. BCC.
Those who won’t fail on their own.

Plus you get sitcom success
If skin stays smooth.
Shout when sure,
Or barely. Nothing lasts.
Strain then restrain till we break.

2.
startled awake hit the alarm hit the alarm
why are you sleeping & dreaming & thinking
it’s healthy to open your eyes get out of bed
look at your phone check it & check it & fuck
it & get on your clothes how do you decide?
usually it’s random break the routine till you’ve spent

open the door get in the car hook up
your phone waiting & moving & waiting
& moving a little to get to your job listen
to talk listen to song this is the portion of life
where you don’t think at all how do you decide?
usually it’s random my life is all theirs to spend

cutting the costs cutting the fat trimming the lean
tree even the dying can bloom with the right kind
of management look at the street it’s not for the weak
not for the strong something that happens
to species that grow up too fast who gets
to decide? who to cut what to kill it won’t get well on it’s own

this is a wash this is a joke hit the alarm
certainly someone’s deceiving the others
& making a show of it all! is it a SHE?
is it a GOD? is it a thing that can die
if the kids don’t believe? why am I alive?
probably it’s random break the routine till you know

3.
I’ll take TRAVEL,
Even if it never will materialize,
I’ll plan it out, route by road.
It’s YOU I fear most.
Tell the muscles MOVE:
Strain, then restrain till we break.

HEARTS go cold
But the sinoatrial node
Keeps it regular, predictable,
Just like you. Like you, barely.
Honey, I’ve been fooled:
My body’s all yours to use.

I’ll take your ENERGY
Even if it never will materialize;
The room was dull.
It’s on you. IDEALS. I feel you.
Make the muscles MOVE.
Strain, then restrain till we break.

HEARTS, ENERGY, TRAVEL
Everything I stay up so late about
And which I can attribute to you.
Blank stare.
Hear me: make the muscles move,
Strain, then re-strain, till we break.
Track Name: VIOLENCE
Really? Hope for you?
Help me, God, to choose
Not between the hearts I keep
But which I keep with apathy

And which I keep with violence
And who, by default, gets imported.
You can’t avoid it.

I don’t want to hurt others anymore
I don’t want to get hurt even more,
But this is just a graded scale,
I pick who I’m gonna praise,
Who I’m gonna fuck,
Who I’m gonna maintain or lift up—
Everyone’s a graded scale

And I choose based on the way you behave,
Based on the traits I relate to:
Who you’d kill for love or food or sex or cable.

Who you’d kill for love or food or sex or cable.
Who you’d kill for love or food or sex or cable.
Who you’d kill for love or food or sex or cable.

Based on the way you behave,
Based on the traits I relate to:
Who you’d kill for love.
Track Name: FIELD NOTES
1.
This has become a slow unwind.
She’s my best friend.
Sure, we can be misunderstood:
Saints, with lust-like crimes.

So the leanest people live so long;
The Lent and thirst,
The Tantric Stall,
Lonely brief moments of love,
Up and down, always.

2.
Ever since he tasted blood
He’s been so
I don’t know
It weirds me
Out of his mind
Not much in mine.
[Sigh]
I know that
The leanest people return
Less dust to the earth.
I might be gone
When he comes
With the rain
And the crashing
Of the waves
Over both of us.
We lose either way.

3.
Grace and peace and joy and love and mercy,
Even in the face of hate,
For our survival’s sake.
It puts me at ease to know
What no one else does.
Noun, pronoun, verb:
The absolute Truth,
Contained, defined, observed,
Scribbled in my field notes.
Track Name: REINCARNATE
I used to say it was conspiracy,
But God provides I guess
And He brought me here, anyway,
Which is more than I can say
For what I deserve.

My daughter just had her first kid
And I—I drove eleven hours to get here—
I drove a long way to get turned down
Again. How funny, right?
When my fuel runs out
I’m like a child myself.

How bout some love when I need it?
I’ll help you too when I’m reincarnate.

Well you’re just thirty-some years next to a doppelganger.
That guy’s/girl’s you but he/she does the right stuff
And here’s where your karma starts.

Aren’t all these mythic lovers cyclical?
I love mine rough, but biblical.
Her steady hand, it grips me
Like big cat’s jaws.

Well you’ve been thirty-some years next to a doppelganger.
That guy’s/girl’s you but he/she does the right stuff
And here’s where your karma starts.
Track Name: SYSTEMS CHECK
I don’t wanna go to bed
But I don’t want any media.
I just want a little me-to-you.

And I don’t wanna get undressed,
And I don’t want you all upset.
Baby, we need our systems checked.

I can see you callin but I can’t hear a thing.
We’re out of the woods now,
For so long I don’t know how things grow…
I just know you’re here cuz I can read from your lips,
And I borrow all your books
Or your tongue when you’re nervous.
You can hear me callin but you don’t see a thing.
I talk on and on, Babe, it might not mean anything.

Baby, we need our systems checked.
I can hear you callin but I can’t see a thing.
You talk on and on, Babe, it might not mean anything.
What’ll happen when we’re not worth hearing?
Baby, we need our systems checked.

Will you hear me, Baby, if my life says what my body won’t?
What if I’m too far along?
What if I can’t stop it now?
Will you tell me, Baby, if it’s just not enough?
Will you show me where to go?
What if I can’t get that far?
What if I can’t get it up?
Will you love me anyway?
What if I give you not enough?
Will you love me anyway?
Baby, we need our systems checked.