O​.​K.

by Bryan Free

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1.
INSIDE OUT 09:04
Feels like we’d grow closer all the time If I wasn’t thinking of you. The news says wrecks are products of the mind, Don’t say “don’t second guess,” you know I love to. Things were slowing down, Like a freeway feels when the plains Keep on stretching out And all of your body turns grey So you reel it out. What is a body for? You can’t turn your body inside out. Your heart works love out. I dream so we can travel all the time, And there’s a novel we can write there. I promise I’ll be honest all the time If I can leave myself behind here. But I’m nervous now, Like a river, frozen, would feel When you’re stepping out And all of your body turns grey So you ring it out. What is your body for? You can’t turn your body inside out, But your heart works love out. Jen, my love grows stronger all the time. You don’t know how well I know you. But these are abstracts I can hide behind And if I find a way to show you I’ll be emptied out. There’s a million reasons we work, Work in black and white, But all of my body is grey So we’ll ring it out. What is a body for? You can’t turn your body inside out. Your heart works love out.
2.
N.W.O. 07:27
I have a new world, ordered. Go on and fall out of my love. I’m trying to lose you. I want to lose you. I want to use you No more. We’re colliding members of absence. Go on and fall out of my love. You know, I was taken by her beauty and her humor But there’s a new thing now that I want. I want to lose you. I want to lose you. I want to use you No more. Go on and fall out of my love, If you could get me off of the floor.
3.
THE MIRROR 06:56
If I were serious Notably concerned With all the problems of the world Would I live deeper? Or richer or fuller? Or sweeter? Or vaguer and weaker And indecisively static? Do I need to feel you too? Feel you in my clothes Taste you in my food? The world is big And I don’t think I comprehend it. I don’t think I could be smart enough, Don’t have the right to write it. The mirror doesn’t tell it all. The mirror doesn’t tell at all. I will succumb I will succumb to what I know I know the fear of being born Without a calling I think matters. It’s all drama and imagination. Who was I last year? I was Jesus I was Theseus I was Dream before his Nada shattered. Will you assure me? Assure me that the family always stands? I guess it’s love Or something bigger, Some cloud that won’t pass over. Oh Religion! When I’m with her Put me in her, Make me feel something more. The mirror doesn’t tell it all, The mirror doesn’t care at all, I wish I never cared at all.
4.
O.K. 09:20
I’m changing everything. I’m cutting off the braids I held so tightly. Same problems everyday: Just cuz I can see em they don’t go away. It’s more than I can say to you. Keep thing’s interesting, But when will we get fine with how they are right now. Keep on listening, Instead of looking farther than our eyes allow, Cuz, Baby, my eyes, they fail me And my mind does as well. But then I feel OK, I know if I don’t want to hear the truth No one ever will tell the truth to me, It’s just something I just need to believe. Time’s changing everything And maybe I don’t even need to change at all. But I think of you differently, And if I’m never with you know I want to be. Cuz, Baby, the world, it fails me And my mind goes to Hell. But then I feel OK, I know if I don’t want to hear the truth No one ever will tell the truth to me, It’s just something I just need to believe. But it feels like everything all at once Goes up in smoke and we both get our hearts broken Again, it’s like the only thing I can believe— In the meaning of love.
5.
THE END 08:45
Maybe I’ll die tonight While I am sleeping. Maybe I’ll tell a joke And a door will open. Maybe I’ll think of you As I am leaving. Or maybe you’ll be there too, But only in dreaming. When I am taken I will go alone. With all of my makers Up in arms. Caught in debate Of my salvation, Singing a chorus Of alarms. Comin for to carry me to all my kin And singing all the praises that I did. Maybe the Rally’s wrong, Maybe there’s no Cause. Just these Ups and Downs To keep us from dying off. Maybe we’ll burn the art And replace it with green fields, And leave all the older songs For new conversation. When you were young You thought you were undone, Asking the class “What’s whole?” Grabbing the lightswitch On your way out. Worried the press would come… They’re pulling out your skeletons one by one, And laughing at the laws you couldn’t overcome, Singing all the praises that you did. Maybe the press will flip And feed us the questions And no one will want the answers, Only to question more. And men will pastor on Only to break down, And towns will shrink and sleep As all of the dams blow out. And as they are breaking The rivers overflow: Churches and fairways And farms and all, Cancelling kitchen reservations, Leaving the older songs. They’re coming for to carry me across the land, Taking me to places I’ve never been, Singing all the praises that I did, And telling me the history of all my kin, Or maybe I’ll die tonight.
6.
SECRET LIFE 05:57
I don’t live in this world. My car could crash And all my secrets packed Away in bags for you To find when you’re sorting Through my room: My secret life. The streets give off this glow. The fog’s rolled in And it feels like I’m moving faster Than I’m supposed to go. It’s beautiful, but I can’t see the road. And if you were here Then it’d all be fine And in a little while I’d clear. But we’re ignoring storms that always were there But never seemed so bright— The way the ocean dries up overnight, And things could be much worse, You and I will run our course like rivers. I don’t care if it’s real. I feel a few things: Alcohol and rock & roll And Broadway musicals And grand ideals I’d rather not admit Except in my secret life. And if you were here Then it’d all be fine And in a little while I’d find That we keep drawing swords in a world where love Has never felt so right, And Karma comes and visits me at night; I wake up as a stone, Sharpening the world With cynical wisdom we already know.
7.
SLOW DOWN 07:17
One day you’re there and you don’t know how, It’s all in photos. Except for the digital I erased somehow, They’re in the air now. Slow down, can we just slow down? I think you’re cute when you start to scold, It doesn’t matter. And I’d chase after you if I was so bold But I would rather Have you after you Slow down, Baby, just slow down. Last night was weird, how the rain unfolded… The drops were daggers. And when the breaker blew We were five years older, Going nowhere. So much motion to Slow down, just slow down.
8.
There’s a hall that he sings inside, Wall’s nailed down. A hardwood sound that expands Like a great Northern avalanche, Changing continents. Love idea on a Saturday. Has a friend that he meets sometimes When we’re both home. Yeah, they drink sometimes, Too much, I know, But it’s good to be understood: I got jokes, I got bombs That are waiting to blow. I’ve got gold road mines. I think that I’d like a child someday When we’re both old. And we can build her a hall Where the sky won’t fall, Echoing back at her Love idea on a Saturday. When do these feelings die? It’s just desire, it’s just desire. Little girl, when I look at you I see A thousand fleets, ships Of Greece, green Seas, dark hair, Gold wrists, Wars are made of this And so is progress, I guess. But when do these feelings die? It’s just desire, It’s just Gold roadmines. Gold road, mine.
9.
When I wake up I realize what I said to you. I knew before, but it only just now sinks in. I lie a long time in the same place, Counting all the times I changed my mind. I still think about that. After several years I get up and I go downstairs. There’s a reason why I hide books down here: So I don’t forget That I spent a long time trying to reach you. I was wrong, but I can’t remember why. I still think about you. I still think about you. I really do.

credits

released December 16, 2009

Written by BF and played live from 11am to 6pm on June 7, 2009. Recorded by Matt Henderson. Mastered by K Evan Hodge IV. Art by Laura Klotsche.

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